Crystal Wei, who runs a performing arts residency in the Catskills, is reckoning with Otherness on her own terms.
October 18, 2020
Three years ago, Crystal Wei took the plunge of many Brooklyner’s dreams and moved to the Catskills. After the 2016 election, a change seemed necessary to break out of the bubble and a high-octane fundraising career. She became Executive Director of MTA, a laboratory and sanctuary for experimental performing artists.
But like many transplants, as they’re called (not exactly with affection), she was not prepared for the realities of rural living. The town she lives in, Phoenicia, is over 90% white with open social and political tensions even amongst residents who can trace back to colonization over Indigenous Peoples. Being a 34 year-old Asian American, she stuck out like a sore thumb – yet was commonly mistaken for a leaf peeper, a hipster, the other middle-aged Asian American in town, an employee of Restore, Target, a farm stand, a museum, and those are the ones that have been to her face. One Asian American conundrum, of many, is being both distinctive yet utterly indistinct at the same time.
She was quiet about the new discomfort and attempted to be an assimilator, until the murder of George Floyd brought race to the forefront. In an all-white community, one doesn’t have to talk about race in any real way. When white democrats suddenly realized it was still killing people and started visibly supporting #BlackLivesMatter, race was back on the table. She was called out for being the only non-white person on zooms several times. The time for assimilation and building trust was over.
Being non-white has always meant extra labor but now, she makes sure that the white folx she talks to know that it is an everyday issue. It is an issue about safety, about how she is Otherized, about empathy beyond one’s own privilege, and yes, it is uncomfortable. But as minorities feel more and more that their lives are at stake, that they can be murdered at any time and without recourse, there is no other option.
Rising Stigma I’m usually up by 10, and I try my best to not feel guilty about it. There’s a lot of prejudice around late risers – I’m more of a deadline oriented person, and won’t get out of bed until I have to show up at work, or until the guilt is overwhelming. I’m also pretty lazy, which is not something you can train yourself out of with self control. Maybe the military could knock it out of you. I then have to shower and have coffee, otherwise there’s no chance at productivity, which is often mistaken for American ingenuity. My first workplace was recently described in the NYT as “a sweatshop” by a former employee. That’s how I was raised, professionally speaking.
Best Intentions Sundays are usually work days, like every other day, either going in to see off a group of artists and turn down the heat for the propane bill, or trying to prepare for the coming week. Preparing usually means writing down everything that I’m behind on, neatly on a grid, and then feeling guilty about it. If there’s a grant due that week, Sunday is the day to write uninterrupted. At least that’s what I hope for, but usually I just have it open and then feel badly about not working on it. But at least then by Monday, that part of the procrastination process is out of the way.
Freeform Thinking Uninterrupted days are also when I think about all the things that I want, usually after browsing the NYT Smarter Living and Styles sections, design blogs in my feedly account, and Zillow. I have a limited budget so I usually see if I can find a piece of clothing on an online secondhand store. If I sell something at one of those stores, it doesn’t count towards my budget, so I do a little bit of that too.
Shop Local I’m not a vegetable person, I live for spaghetti, burgers, and cookies. But if you want to support the local farm economy, you can’t just buy those things. So I go to a couple farm stands and spend a few days’ budget on vegetables and local meat, then I clean and tidy at home. I do not have O.C.D., but subconsciously I need things to be organized so I can get work done. Sometimes it’s a procrastination tactic, one of several, and even if you know this it can’t be overlooked. It’s like therapy: you know what the problem is but that doesn’t mean you can fix it. I went to a therapist once, and she favored blaming things on a certain, you know, relative, which was both unsurprising and unhelpful. Depression and grief are not things a relative can fix, even if they wanted to.
Flexibility When it’s winter and I need endorphins, I’ll do a 20-minute yoga or jog. I’ve never been in shape and I have asthma, so both things are difficult but rewarding. usually I will try to spend the time being present, in a Zen-like way, but much like my morning shower I’m usually thinking through the work problems of the day or having imaginary arguments so I can process those thoughts and get them out of the way, because I don’t believe in arguing in person. I’ve tried it a few times and it’s just not for me.
Passing the Time To avoid burnout, I don’t work after Sunday dinner and usually my partner cooks something delicious and then I watch The West Wing for the billionth time while he continues to work or zoom. He’s an artist, so we’re both used to working all the time, but not together until now. I’ll watch something til around 1am or whenever my eyes give out. I am addicted to a phone game called Two Dots, I’ve played it every night for 8 years, and while I’m playing it and listening/watching to TV is about the only time I’m not thinking about work. The second I start getting ready for bed, til the moment I’m asleep, the wheels are turning. For small non-profits, especially in the arts, especially in a pandemic, survival is not guaranteed. The West Wing, by the way, holds up about most things from a liberal elitist perspective, like funding the NEA, but not about race. Like most folx, they’re about 20 years behind.
crystal wei 